On my 13th birthday my mom showed up AT SCHOOL wearing a gorilla suit and carrying balloons. Horrifying right? I still remember seeing her walk in and thinking that someone was about to have a very bad day, then she walked toward me. It has always baffled me, why would my otherwise cool mom choose to humiliate her daughter on the most awkward of birthdays- I mean c’mon junior high is fraught with embarrassment, did I really need my mom to show up at my locker after school dressed like an ape? I think not.
However, in the past few months here are a few other embarrassments I’ve endured…
1. In Barnes and Noble in Spokane Delaney thought it would be funny to lift up my dress. Hope those happy little shoppers enjoyed a nice look at my granny panties.
2. Laney announced LOUDLY to Jessica and Emersyn (and the entire audience at story time in the Kennewick library) that “My daddy has a butt, but I have a bum. You hear that Jessa and moo moo?”
3. In a public restroom she has asked me to “help squeeze her poop out.” (No idea where that one came from).
This from a child who can scream like a hyena and has no problem waking the dead when she doesn’t get what she wants in a store. She has also- knocked over and entire rack of clothes on Emersyn in Gymboree, cried and rolled all over the floor in almost every store possible and peeked under restroom stalls and dressing room doors, just to say hi.
Lets just say I’ve recently gotten a little insight into what compelled my usually sane mother dress up like a monkey in public.
Paybacks are a bitch.
I think I’ll put a Gorilla costume on hold….